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Clear thoughts from a clouded mind 
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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:37 pm
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Location: Stealing Eldy's chips =3
Here I will write short stories, poems and everyday thoughts. Everyday thoughts straight from the mind of yours truly. Now;
Should I do something wrong it is alright to say so or for the mods to delete this topic. I won't mind, should I write in the wrong forum or write something inappropriate I am sorry.
I can't promise to always update, or write anything else than what comes through my mind towards the posts.
I also can't promise they will always be happy posts, or that I won't post sappy love stories since I am indeed in love...
Post away as much as you want, any comments are welcome.
Although comments that aren't constructive in any way and only insulting (without valid arguments as to why) are not very appriciated.
Alright, to start us off, here's something I wrote the other day.


Captivated by the light, he walked through the tall grass. The branches that used to bother him by slashing his face and sometimes even finding the way to his eyes were now brushed aside as if they were nothing. The flowers that were used to being carefully walked around now complained quietly below his feet. The moon in the sky guided him with a mysterious, alluring shine. Walking towards the birth of all living things, he had no control of where he was heading anymore. What his sanity exclaimed had no significance anymore and he understood that he was being compelled by something out of mortality's standards.

Upon reaching the water, he found himself thoughtlessly looking upon the trail the moonlight shone. He knew it, felt it and had found the patience to think it. The path was meant for him to take. Something destined for him was on the other side and the prophesy was all his to engulf in. Against all odds and reason he placed his feet on the blank water.

With every step the surface trembled and with no thought about what he had just accomplished, he kept walking. Every tremble was a new memory of a silent and hollow life without what other humans would call “love”. Ever since he had been old enough to utter a word, he had known they were different from him. He'd always felt as if he was a being from a completely different species. While walking along the golden trail his thoughts were confirmed, no one would ever think of him as "ordinary" again.

What he really was, he would remain ignorant to. He was already aware of what his body was consistent of. He was darkness and light. He was everything and nothing at the same time. He was the earth, the destruction, the hate and the care. He was all and all was him. He was immortal.
His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and light around him enough to distinguish a shore not far away now. The distant frame of a shadow came into view and he squinted, desperately trying to see something real. Something to confirm the existence of another living creature, something to remember the shadow by. Anything would do, a face, an eye, a scar, something humble and beautiful or something outstanding and disgusting.

He was so close he could separate a tear reflecting the moonlight. It was running down her round cheek, a substance he recognized anywhere. Salty, sorrowful, pieces of soul and heart coming from the inside… Tears. How he had longed to be capable of squeezing just one simple teardrop out, all in vain without completion. An art he, an immortal had never accomplished. Yet she wasted them as if they were only the horror and pain carved in her heart. Admiration, together with a distant feeling of comfort came from his core and he shivered.

There was something stuck in his throat. In simple day's matter, he wouldn’t have bothered finding the right words to speak. He could not speak. What was this weird sensation? A warmth, a desire to protect and keep her out of harm. An unknown human being, of the same species he had stood above all these years. The same species he had blamed, rejected, despised and hated his entire life.
How could he even start imagining a life without the creature in front of him? How could he turn around and keep living as if he had never followed destiny? How could he ever leave her side, she who was so beautiful? She who was so tragic, sorrowful, breathtaking and effortless. He was her and she was him. Born in the earth, shaped by the air, lived through the water and fighting with the fire. They were spirit, life and extraordinary. Different, yet just the same. He had found his comfort with this young girl, who was all and nothing at the same time, exactly like him. He did not even know her name, but he knew… she was the part of him he had longed and searched for. She was the love.
“Who… who are you?” She asked him.
“I am yours, truly.”

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Part of the team that unlocked bonuses in the Halloween event 2011
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Last edited by eevee22 on Fri Aug 02, 2013 7:58 pm, edited 3 times in total.



Mon Jul 29, 2013 5:52 pm
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I apologize in advance if you're the type who gets offended if someone randomly corrects your typos. I really like your writing thus far and I have this weird habit of wanting to correct typos that stood out to me if I like the writing I read. Ignore it if you want, also tell me if you'd rather I don't be snobbish enough to correct typos. They're in the spoiler box.
Spoiler: show
Note: I'm not perfect in grammar and spelling either, so please please don't copy them out without a thought. There will be intentional mistakes the writer make which I don't realize it's intentional and certain words might sound weird to me because I read it wrong or I've never seen it used that way.

The branches that used to bother him by slashing his face and sometimes even finding the way to his eyes were now brushes aside as if they were nothing.
>> brushed

What his sanity exclaimed had no significance anymore and he understood that he was being compelled by something out of mortalities standards.
>> morality's

It was like being from a completely different species.
>> they were beings or beings

While walking along the golden trail his thoughts were confirmed, ordinary was never to be a word anyone would use while explain his being again.
>> sounds weird to me after the comma; unsure what you're trying to say here.

He was already aware of what his body was consistent of.
>> consistent means unchanging; relating to something. Perhaps you meant 'consists' ?

He was so close he could separate a tear reflecting the moonlight.
>> the tears ['a tear' made me think of a single tear drop falling, but from the description following this sentence, it seemed to be more than that...

Salty, sorrowful, pieces of a soul and heart coming from the inside… Tears.
>> no 'a' there.

How he had longed to be capable of squeezing just one simple teardrop out, all in vain without completion.
>> this isn't wrong, but I think 'success' might fit better there.

In simple days matter, he wouldn’t have bothered finding the right words to speak.
>> day's [days is plural of day, day's is a possessive noun which I'm sure is what's suppose to be here]

Cretid to Cykotyks, for awesome halloween banner/sprites
>>Credit


Quite honestly I found myself thinking this would be relating to Pokemon at the start for some odd reason [prolly because this is vdex, after all] and was thinking it was written with a Legendary Pokemon in focus. Then I went to thinking the focus was in fact a vampire, and then all hell broke loose in my mind with a... few other possible scenarios.

In any case, I shall be following this with great interest~

+1 thread stalker.

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Tue Jul 30, 2013 6:05 am
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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:37 pm
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Location: Stealing Eldy's chips =3
Thanks a lot for feedback! The typos/grammar errors you found are typical mistakes I do when I'm tired. (Wrote this at two a.m...) I greatly appreciate the corrections, they're very helpful. I'll edit the first post soon.
As for what the being in focus actually is, you may decide for yourself. I'm really happy you liked it and decided to follow. =) <3

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Oh come on, Ya' KNOW ya wanna click :D
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Part of the team that unlocked bonuses in the Halloween event 2011
(Credit to Cykotyks, for awesome halloween banner/sprites)


Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:03 pm
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